Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Kitchen practical jokes-"dirt tastes good"

First I need to give you guys a bit of background so you know what the hell I am talking about.
Have any of you seen hydroponic plants or lettuce? The plants or lettuce is attached to a piece of dirt shaped like a small brick about the size of your thumb. You see these things lined up in greenhouses.  That little dirt brick is like the plant's own little plot of land so to speak.

Well, we used to get this baby lettuce that came like that.  There were these little "bricks" of dirt and you had this petite head of lettuce that grew from it.  You simply take a pair of scissors and cut just above the dirt and serve it.  I will come back to this later.

Well for those of you who have never worked in the restaurant business, we love our practical jokes.  One day one of the servers got me good. We used to get bottles of water sent from the bar that we would drink in the kitchen.  Oh, kitchens are friggin' hot by the way. We didn't drink the tap water because it tasted like horrible.  I just don't like water that tastes like it.   I asked one of the server's to get me a bottle of water from the bartender and unknown to me the bastard emptied the water, filled the bottle with gin and screwed the top back on tightly.  I got the bottle, opened it and took a huge swig.  Once I realized what it was it was too late. I swallowed a huge gulp and what was left got  spit it out to what must have looked like a geyser coming from my face.  Please note this was an open kitchen so guests could see everything.  Well, the entire wait staff  as well as the guests who happened to see got a huge laugh out of it.  Two forms of alcohol I just can't stand is beer and gin.
So, score is bartender- 1, Curt- big ole' goose egg.  Well, I just couldn't stand for that and what this bartender didn't know about me is I have a completely sick sense of humor and when it comes to practical jokes I will not let anyone outdo me. 
Do you remember the lettuce I was talking about?  I took some of our chocolate cake and cut it the exact same size as that dirt from the lettuce.  I covered a plate with raspberry coulis, then placed two pieces of brownies and two pieces of the dirt on the plate.  I then covered them all with powdered sugar. The beauty is that this piece of dirt looked kind of like a brownie, I mean same color, same texture and with all that sugar on them you couldn't tell what the hell it was.

I called the servers and that bartender over for our nightly food tasting.  I told them "this is our dessert special tonight.  It is called chocolate surprise with raspberry coulis."
They all tasted while all of us in the kitchen were standing there doing our best to keep a straight face.  It was difficult to say the least.  The beauty of this was that nobody knew they were eating dirt.  Not one person suspected.  A few of them thought it tasted a bit weird but not one could tell.  One server even said to me "hey is that some kind of new chocolate sponge cake?"
"Sure dude, call it whatever you want."

We all finally busted out laughing and they knew we got them but they didn't know exactly how.
One of the servers exclaimed "OK Curt, I know you did something but I am just not sure what!"
I then grabbed one of those pieces of dirt the lettuce came on, held it up and asked "so how was your chocolate surprise?"

All the servers then started gagging, running to the faucet to drink that nasty-flavored water, spitting and trying to make themselves vomit to get rid of the dirt.
The thing is, only some of them got the dirt.  If you recall, I explained that I put two pieces of brownie and two pieces of dirt. I was so proud of myself.

Cost of dirt-zero
Cost of two pieces of brownies-$.50
Cost of raspberry coulis-$.25
The reaction and look on their faces when they realized I just fed them dirt-"Priceless"

Score is Bartender-1
              Curt- 10!

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