Chef pet peeves

All,
Here is a bit more insight to the world of chefs

Chef pet peeve number 1: you are using the cling wrap and it tears on you.  Worse, when someone else tears it and doesn't fix it and you have to figure out where it started

Chef pet peeve number 2: Mayonnaise.  In professional kitchens we get mayonnaise in 5 gallon buckets and the may comes in a plastic bag.  Putting a thick sauce in a plastic bag only creates waste and is a pain to get the remaining mayo out of

Chef pet peeve number 3: Stickers on fruit or vegetables.  For those of you who eat an apple at lunch or something, taking that sticker off the apple may not seem like a big deal but when you are cooking for a banquet of 500 people and you have to peel and cut two cases of apples, you will be cursing those damn stickers.  Worse, who is the poor schmuck whose job it is to put those damn stickers on anyways??!!!

The law of kitchen confusion

I can think of times when I had a little extra time in the day and really tried to make a great special for dinner in my restaurant.  It is not that I wouldn't try to make something nice anyways but normally in the day's pandemonium you don't have enough time to sit down to eat so how are you going to take extra time to make something that requires that much more extra effort.

Well, as it would figure, I took extra time and made what I thought was the best special I ever made and wouldn't you know it...........not one compliment.

One day I had a couple people call sick and we were fully booked so I just threw something together last minute for a special and wouldn't you know it, I got numerous compliments on it.

The law of kitchen confustion............."you get complimented the most on the things that take the least amount of effort to prepare."

If you care about your health

All
If you want to really know what is happening in the food industry and want to learn how to protect yourself from what goes into your body you should watch these two documentaries.

"Food, Inc."
and
"Foodmatters"

To say they are eye-opening is an understatement.  For those of you who have children you owe it to them.

These are not conspiracy theory type things they are just documentaries.

If you watch them let me know what you think

A few thoughts

-Why do people order the most expensive cut of meat only to ask for it be cooked well done??

-Why is it cheaper to eat junk food than eating healthy?

-Why does Justin Bieber look like a girl?

-Why don't they show that program "Air crash investigation" as part of in-flight entertainment?

-"Why isn't there a name for the tops of your feet?"  George Carlin

-"Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?" George Carlin

The mystery of filet mignon

Why is filet mignon such a big seller?  It's not that it is bad, it just isn't great.  Filet mignon has very little fat and remember fat equals flavor. Remember that line in Pulp Fiction?  "Pork chops taste good, bacon tastes good."  It is because of the fat in pork.  Filet mignon has much less flavor compared to other cuts of meat.  It is tender, I will give you that, but I have to laugh at the fact that the most expensive cut of meat is also one of the most flavorless on the animal.

We chefs are back there cooking in the kitchen and see order after order come up for filet mignon when people could be ordering rib eye or N.Y. strip.  It is almost like a kind of inside joke we have amongst us.  I always shake my head when I see orders for filet mignon.

I don't know one chef who orders that shit when he or she goes out to eat.  Not one.

Would you non-chefs like a tip?  Next time you want to cook steak, buy a flank steak.  I know it doesn't sounds as sexy but you will spend about a quarter of the cost and will end up with a much more flavorful cut of meat.  You must make sure you cut it in thin slices perpendicular to the grain or it will be chewy as hell.
One of my favorite steak recipes.
Take a couple cloves of garlic and 2 shallots.  Mince them.
Take a sprig of rosemary and chop it fine.
Rub a piece of flank steak with olive oil and coat both sides with the chopped herb, shallots and garlic and season with salt and pepper.
Grill it on high to get a nice charred texture (not burnt) but keeping it medium rare
Serve with some guacamole or salsa
It kicks MAJOR culinary ass.  I will be my friend's salary you will like it better.

Try it

Culinary tip, nuts, nuts, nuts

Crap, I have have been having writer's block lately.  At least I have a little culinary knowledge so I can post a recipe or something when I have a blank.

OK how many of you hate when you are chopping nuts and they go all over the place?  Would you like to know how to resolve that?  Simply toss your nuts (men get your mind out of the gutter) with a little water or oil, just enough to coat them, then chop them.  You will find they won't go everywhere.  

Keep one thing in mind.... Your recipe.  If you are baking cookies I wouldn't suggest tossing your nuts with oil (crap that sounds soo sexual) as it will affect the flavor of your cookies.

That reminds me of one of the favorite things for a guy to say to someone if they were toasting nuts in the oven at work.  "Hey man, how are your nuts doing?  They smell burnt"  When nuts are burning in the oven it is a pretty distinct smell to the point where you can usually tell what kind of nut it is.  One day my cook was toasting almonds in the oven and he forgot about them and I told him "you better check your nuts" without thinking about how it sounded coming out.  The staff got a laugh out of it.

That reminds me of another awkward moment.  When I was chef of a resort in the Maldives it was New Year's eve and I was doing an Italian station so I imported all these Italian products for the evening's event. One thing I got was a three foot long salami that is only available at that time of year.  I was speaking to one of the guests and he asked "Chef what will you be serving tonight?" My reply was, (as I was holding up my hands about three feet apart to show size) "you should see the size of the salami I got."  Right after I said it I realized how it came out and we both had one of those awkward silences and then busted out laughing.  I started to correct myself and explain that I had this sausage from Italy that is huge and fortunately he understood.  Thank god it was a man with a good sense of humor I was speaking to.

Puzzled

OK here is a funny one.

I served a guest blackened tuna and he said it was black, it was burnt................hello moron, why do you think it is called 'blackened?'............freaks!!

Strange guests

Some strange stories from the restaurant underground.

-A woman came in to get a cappuccino.  She wanted half caffeinated coffee and half decaf because she wanted half of the caffeine.  Come one.  Are you kidding me??!!  She came in later in the afternoon for the same thing.  I told her "why don't you just have one regular?"...................FREAKS!!!

-I love seeing fat guests go to buffets, load up their plates and drink a diet soda.  Hello, it may be diet soda but it is just as bad for you as regular soda.  Plus, you pile up your food and think drinking a diet soda will make a difference.  Again,..............FREAKS!!

-A guest ordered an egg white omelette with cheese and bacon.  You are having cheese and bacon.  You might as well have the friggin egg yolk.

-I am on a dry spell tonight............writer's block I guess.  Write more tomorrow

Hot dogs anyone